Last night .....

Last night was really tough for me. I was so angry with, well, everything. I don't like that part of grief. I'm not usually mad about much so the emotion seems foreign. I know that God loves me. I know he loves Cameron. And while I don't understand the way he moves all of the time, I have to accept it. That's the part I get angry about. I just have to deal with Cameron's death. I have to deal with the fact that even if I have 10 healthy babies, I will go into an 11th pregnancy with the fear giving birth to a dead baby. It seems harsh but that is the reality.

I am thankful for a few things. I am thankful for my CHM mommies. They remind me that Cameron's life is just as valid as any other child. They understand that my pain will never go away. They understand the fears that come along with pregnancy after loss. They understand how frustrating it is when people say some of the dumbest things. Thank you so much for understanding. I thank God that He has placed such an amazing group of people in my life.