To My Friends....

Hello old friend, Oh yes you know I lost my child a while ago. No, no please, don’t look away And change the subject, It’s ok.
You see at first I couldn’t feel, It took so long, but now it’s real. I hurt so much inside you see I need to talk, come sit with me?
You see, I was numb for so very long, And people said, “My, she is so strong.” They did not know I couldn’t feel, My broken heart made all unreal.
But then one day, as I awoke I clutched my chest, began to choke, Such a scream, such a wail, Broke from me.. My child! My child! The horror of reality.
But everyone has moved on, you see, Everyone except for me. Now, when I need friends most of all, Between us there now stands a wall.
My pain is more than they can bear, When I mention my child, I see their blank stare.
“But I thought you were over it,” Their eyes seem to say--No, no, I can’t listen to this, not today. So I smile and pretend, and say, “Oh, I’m ok”. But inside I am crying, as I turn away.
And so my old friend, I shall paint on a smile, As I have from the start, You never knowing all the while, All I’ve just said to you in my heart.

Answering the call

In order for me to sleep at night I had to answer the call. It took a lot for me to get to this point. But as always God is in control. I was so worried about what people would think, I didn't stop to think about that those factors don't matter. God has called me to serve His people in a special way. I am, and have always been, a minister of the Gospel. It was more of a burden to run away than it is to surrender. In fact, my surrender has given me an unspeakable joy.

Retell the story

It's been six months. It feels like yesterday. For those that hadn't heard the story, here it is.


Fear. Everyone has it but no one will admit to it. At some point we have to face many of our fears. As crazy as it may sound, facing a fear is the way to overcome it. Six months ago, without my knowledge I would be facing something I feared the most, death. It is not something I have overcome, but I am learning how to handle it. Here is my story.

I was twenty-two weeks pregnant. This is the "easy" time in pregnancy. By easy I mean not as hard as the first trimester. For the most part I was a happy pregnant woman. I still went to work everyday, went out with my friends, shopping etc. My pregnancy really did not hinder much of my usual activity. My health was in good shape, my son was doing just fine and everything was right on schedule. I decided we could finally start shopping for baby things. Life was good.

 April 4, 2011, I was extremely sick. It stormed that night and my power went out, so I went to my Will's house and stayed the night. He stayed up to take care of me the whole night. I remember thinking, I hope the baby is okay. It was a very restless night. Even with everything going on, I tried to remain positive and get as much rest as I could. I still had to work in the morning. The next day I did my best to get up for work. I didn't drive to work because I was still not feeling well, but I told Will to stay close because I might be leaving work early. I felt horrible. I also felt anxious because had not eaten and wanted to make sure the baby was okay. I stayed at work maybe an hour before I left to go to the hospital. This was when my life would change forever.

 I called my Will to meet me at the hospital because I had been taken by ambulance. By the time I got settled into a room, he had arrived. The first nurse came in to check my son's heartbeat using a Doppler. She was having trouble finding it. With me being as far along as I was I knew something was wrong. She should be able to hear his heartbeat. The brought in another nurse and an ultrasound machine. When I saw his image on the screen, I was facing my worst fear. My son had no heartbeat. He was dead. For any mother, this is her worst fear. To see the nurse type no fetal heartbeat was the one thing I never wanted to see, but was forced to face. MY SON WAS DEAD. As horrible and cruel that is, it was true. I now had to bury a baby I never got to meet.

 I was in labor twelve hours. April 6, 2011, Cameron Xavier Foreman was born sleeping. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He had my nose and his dad's eyebrows. I wish I could have held him forever, but I had to bury him. A bittersweet moment. I get to hold this perfect child, but death is taking him away.

 For the past six months, I have been working to spread awareness of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. Even though it was not my choice to face this particular fear, through this I have a gained a need to serve my community. I am more aware of every moment I have with my loved ones, and a lot more thankful. I would not say that I have overcome, but I will say that I will never be the same.