Cliches

I thought this post would be very appropriate for today since it is National Cliche Day.



When things happen in our lives people have plenty of cliches to "help" us along the way. One the most overused is, "Everything happens for a reason". Ugh, it does but do I have a hear that now? I heard a line in a gospel song that said I don't need another cliche when I'm going through real pain. Everything does happen for a reason, but when I'm really hurting that's not what I need. Just be there for me. My friend Robin posted this today. It's from " In A Heartbeat". "Dear friend, I am sorry your baby has died, I desperately wish I could change what has happened. I have felt your pain, please know I care and I am praying for you. Right now, let god carry you. He won't let go of you. I promise."


The only thing you can promise me is that God can and will ease my pain. You CANNOT promise me more children, you don't have the knowledge or the power. Don't attempt to ease my pain by cliches, they do NOT help. And please don't  think I will not talk about my baby. He is my SON. He is very important to me and a huge part of who I am. He is apart of my daily thoughts, therefore he is apart of my daily conversation.

Answering the call

In order for me to sleep at night I had to answer the call. It took a lot for me to get to this point. But as always God is in control. I was so worried about what people would think, I didn't stop to think about that those factors don't matter. God has called me to serve His people in a special way. I am, and have always been, a minister of the Gospel. It was more of a burden to run away than it is to surrender. In fact, my surrender has given me an unspeakable joy.

House Hunting

Well there comes a time in every young person's life where they have to really buckle down and plan their future. Unlike some in my age group I am not married and refuse to do so. Yes I do want children but I don't want marriage. Not right now anyway. So I am house hunting. And don't need a husband to do it. Because I have been told it can't be done, I have to make it happen. There's the good ol motivation. Thanks naysayers. Anywho, I think I have found what I want. I'm so picky. And I'm only wanting Midtown. For those that are not aware Midtown is a pretty artsy area of Memphis and VERY liberal. One part of me will fit in. So if anyone has suggestions or advice. Feel free to give it.

Last night .....

Last night was really tough for me. I was so angry with, well, everything. I don't like that part of grief. I'm not usually mad about much so the emotion seems foreign. I know that God loves me. I know he loves Cameron. And while I don't understand the way he moves all of the time, I have to accept it. That's the part I get angry about. I just have to deal with Cameron's death. I have to deal with the fact that even if I have 10 healthy babies, I will go into an 11th pregnancy with the fear giving birth to a dead baby. It seems harsh but that is the reality.

I am thankful for a few things. I am thankful for my CHM mommies. They remind me that Cameron's life is just as valid as any other child. They understand that my pain will never go away. They understand the fears that come along with pregnancy after loss. They understand how frustrating it is when people say some of the dumbest things. Thank you so much for understanding. I thank God that He has placed such an amazing group of people in my life.