That's how my pain hit me today. It was unexpected and I was unprepared. I am so tired of hurting, but then I realize that this will never change. April 6th will always be the day I gave birth to a dead baby. And it sucks. It sucks that me or any woman has to go through this. It sucks that women that don't deserve to have children have plenty, and I can't have my Cameron. Life sucks. It sucks that I have to look at pictures of my star that will never shine on earth. It sucks that no one understands how deeply this hurts every day of my life, and it will hurt for the rest of my life. It sucks that I feel like God let me down. Have you ever prayed and prayed but God still didn't do what you wanted? And not only did he not do what you wanted, he gave you the worst possible outcome. It sucks that instead of picking out cute Halloween costumes I had to pick out flowers for his grave. I hate this. It is not fair. But am I exempt because I feel like I would be a better mother than other women? No, I am not exempt. I am not exempt from bad things happening in my life. And that sucks.
Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
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