Retell the story

It's been six months. It feels like yesterday. For those that hadn't heard the story, here it is.


Fear. Everyone has it but no one will admit to it. At some point we have to face many of our fears. As crazy as it may sound, facing a fear is the way to overcome it. Six months ago, without my knowledge I would be facing something I feared the most, death. It is not something I have overcome, but I am learning how to handle it. Here is my story.

I was twenty-two weeks pregnant. This is the "easy" time in pregnancy. By easy I mean not as hard as the first trimester. For the most part I was a happy pregnant woman. I still went to work everyday, went out with my friends, shopping etc. My pregnancy really did not hinder much of my usual activity. My health was in good shape, my son was doing just fine and everything was right on schedule. I decided we could finally start shopping for baby things. Life was good.

 April 4, 2011, I was extremely sick. It stormed that night and my power went out, so I went to my Will's house and stayed the night. He stayed up to take care of me the whole night. I remember thinking, I hope the baby is okay. It was a very restless night. Even with everything going on, I tried to remain positive and get as much rest as I could. I still had to work in the morning. The next day I did my best to get up for work. I didn't drive to work because I was still not feeling well, but I told Will to stay close because I might be leaving work early. I felt horrible. I also felt anxious because had not eaten and wanted to make sure the baby was okay. I stayed at work maybe an hour before I left to go to the hospital. This was when my life would change forever.

 I called my Will to meet me at the hospital because I had been taken by ambulance. By the time I got settled into a room, he had arrived. The first nurse came in to check my son's heartbeat using a Doppler. She was having trouble finding it. With me being as far along as I was I knew something was wrong. She should be able to hear his heartbeat. The brought in another nurse and an ultrasound machine. When I saw his image on the screen, I was facing my worst fear. My son had no heartbeat. He was dead. For any mother, this is her worst fear. To see the nurse type no fetal heartbeat was the one thing I never wanted to see, but was forced to face. MY SON WAS DEAD. As horrible and cruel that is, it was true. I now had to bury a baby I never got to meet.

 I was in labor twelve hours. April 6, 2011, Cameron Xavier Foreman was born sleeping. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He had my nose and his dad's eyebrows. I wish I could have held him forever, but I had to bury him. A bittersweet moment. I get to hold this perfect child, but death is taking him away.

 For the past six months, I have been working to spread awareness of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. Even though it was not my choice to face this particular fear, through this I have a gained a need to serve my community. I am more aware of every moment I have with my loved ones, and a lot more thankful. I would not say that I have overcome, but I will say that I will never be the same.