Almost

I hate the word almost. It reminds me of Cameron. I almost was in my third trimester. I almost had a baby shower. I almost had a living child. The word almost means very nearly but not exactly or entirely. And I feel like I will never entirely be happy because my son is not here. I will never be exactly whole because a piece of me is in heaven. I almost had a piece of greatness, but he died. I hate that feeling. The feeling that God snatched away a piece of joy from me. I hate questioning my faith. I know God loves me. (John 3:16) I know he has a plan for me. (Jer 29:11) But some days I feel like he just is not there. (Psalm 22) But in reading that Psalm, David reminds us that God is still there and he does hear our cries! He will never leave us! And that is what has kept me going this past year. The knowledge that God loves me, He has a plan for me, and he will never leave me! But before I can get what God has planned for me, I have to go through the process He has for me. Cameron, my sweet angel Cameron is a part of my process. God has so much in store for me. And the best news is that when I leave this earth, not only will I be with my Father in heaven, but I will be with my son. Nothing is even almost better than that.